Cup of Tweets

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Anthony Bourdain – Prince

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Yeah yeah yeah, I know.  I’m a crank.  But the word “royals” just …will never go down easy.  Only person I ever felt combortable referring to as “Prince” came from Minneapolis

Anthony Bourdain – Deep State

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I’d tweet but I’m waiting for a FAX with my instructions from the Deep State.

Rosanne – Ambien Side Effects

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People of all races, religions and nationalities work at Sanofi every day to improve the lives of people around the world.  While all pharmaceutical treatments have side effects, racism is not a know side effect of any Sanofi medication

Rosanne – Muslim Brotherhood

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Muslim brotherhood & planet of the apes had a baby=vj

Donald J. Trump – We need global warming!

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It’s freezing and snowing in New York — we need global warming!

Donald J. Trump – Make America Great Again!

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MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!

Donald J. Trump – We must stop being politically correct

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We must stop being politically correct and get down to the business of security for our people. If we don’t get smart it will only get worse

Han Solo – Millennium Falcon?

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You’ve never heard of the Millennium Falcon? It’s the ship that made the Kessel run is less than 12 parsecs

Scary Mommy – Proudest mom ever

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I don’t care if my son plays with trucks or love dolls, but I’d be the proudest mom ever if he stopped peeing all over the bathroom floor.

Ryan Reynolds – Being a father

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Being a father is the single greatest feeling on earth. Not including those wonderful years I spent without a child, of course.

Ryan Reynolds – People in LA are deathly afraid of gluten

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People in LA are deathly afraid of gluten. I swear to god, you could rob a liquor store in this city with a bagel.

Ryan Reynolds – Daddy’s freedom

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On our 6am walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it’s in heaven, visiting daddy’s freedom.

Ron Swanson – Whole-ass one thing!

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Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing!

Ron Swanson – Alcohols are for rich women

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Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.

Ron Swanson – Simple man

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I’m a simple man. I like Pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.

Ron Swanson – Fishing relaxes me

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Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, but I still get to kill something.

Barack Obama- Thank you for everything

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Thank you for everything. My last ask is the same as my first. I’m asking you to believe –  not in my ability to create change, but in yours.

Barack Obama- No one is born hating

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No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin or his background or his religion…

Kim Kardashian West- Tonight’s menu

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French fries were extra good in France!
Tonight’s menu will be spaghetti and meatballs… so Italian!

Anna Kendrick – Stuck with me

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Oh God. I just realized I’m stuck with me my whole life.

Donald Trump Nuke Tweet Coffee Mug

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The United States must greatly strengthen and expand its nuclear capability until such time as the world comes to its senses regarding nukes

Donald Trump Immigrants

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My grandparents didn’t come to America all the way from Germany to see it get taken over by immigrants.  Not on my watch.

Kim Kardashian West – Unintentional vegetarian

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I like tofu better than chicken and beef, I think I’m an unintentional vegetarian.

Chewbacca – Grrr

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Gggggrrrrr rrrraaaaahhh rrrrrrrrggghhhhnn

Rocket Racoon – No plan

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First of all, you’re copying me from when I said I had a plan. Secondly, I don’t even believe you have a plan.